Sometimes life comes at us like a kid taking on a bully at break-neck speed, knocking us in the stomach with all the force it can muster. Once the wind is knocked out of us we have one of two options, lay there on the ground, staring at the sky and pretending that nothing ever happened or get up, brush ourselves off and take on the things in our lives that have bullied us for as long as we can remember. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the time between when we brush ourselves off and when it finally clicks that we can beat the bully once and for all can take minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or even years…the important thing though, is finally realizing that we can win. We don’t have to let the things that have bullied us and taunted us in the past mandate where we go in terms of our future.
It is amazing how sometimes tragic events in our lives can actually bring about positive change. For me, I have had a year that seemed perfectly designed by Satan. My fall in March had crippling effects on my fast growing embroidery business, computer consulting projects, and on my ability to be 100% in the classroom. Then with my mom’s sudden illness and death at the end of the summer, it just seemed that the dark cloud over my head was never going to pass. The funny thing is though, during my mom’s hospital stay I started writing and since her death I have continued writing and it has been through researching her story and ultimately my life that I have been able to identify where my bullies originated in the first place. In any conflict, one cannot take on the enemy until we study that enemy.
Last night on The Biggest Loser, when Becky said that when she was young and would lose weight her dad would tell her “look around; I’m sure you’ll find it.” My first thoughts were I am right there with you Becky!!! But the important take away that I was able to grasp from that segment, was Bob encouraging her to look for the positive within herself. Sometimes the people in our lives that spend their lives trying to sabotage us are actually dealing with their own insecurities. When you are a child or teen though, you don’t realize that. The very people that are supposed to be there for us, to mold us and teach us right from wrong, are the very ones who tear us down and teach us destructive behaviors instead. Don’ get me wrong, there comes a point in all of our lives, for ourselves, that we have to forgive them and embrace what we know is right for us. This in turn will then allow us to lose weight and/or accomplish any other unfinished goals we may have. It will also allow us to not make the same mistakes with our own kids.
Going through Beth Moore’s “So Long Insecurity” class has just brought me that much closer to dealing with the bullies. It has been like a spiritual karate lesson, teaching me self-defense skills to defend myself once and for all.
Before my mom’s death, my goal was to complete a half-marathon for my birthday on November 20th. Given the length of mom’s illness and subsequent obstacles, I will not be able to meet this goal, but it doesn’t mean that I will abandon that goal. It has always been a lifelong dream of mine to run a half and full marathon, now is just the time to tell the bullies to get out of the way and train like there is no tomorrow, so that in the spring I can do just that. I have learned that a setback doesn’t mean failure, it is just a setback. So my birthday present to me is to live each day treating myself in such a way that each added day I have on this beautiful earth I can live life to its fullest and as healthy as possible, so that this might be my own personal testimony to myself, my kids, and to all of the other readers out there who have been bullied by life way too long.
Posts
