The Treasures in My Travels

Hi everyone,

I seemed to be on a writing roll this morning...

As I look around at the treasures I have collected on my travels it is the stack of maps that my heart is drawn to. I love the look and feel of maps. We can tell so much about life and periods in time by looking at them. They remind me of my own life. God looks down from heaven and can see it all so clearly. We can stand at point A and feel in our heart that there is a point B, but the map of our life may still be waiting for the roads to get us to our new destination to be constructed. Let’s face it, road construction is never fast or easy, and it never seems to take place at a conscientious time....so why should we think that the construction of our road through life should be any different? Don’t we all hit pot holes every now and then? Don’t we all have some sort of car trouble at some point in life? Don’t we all encounter detours, and unforeseen obstacles in the highway, as we travel down this highway called life? 

Oh but the excitement! The excitement when He shows us the place that we truly know where we should be. It’s like a child waiting to go to Disney, they don’t ask if they are going to drive for 18 hours in a car or fly for just a few by plane. They don’t care how they get from point A to point B, they just know that they are going. For me this is the exciting part. I don’t know how He will take me from point A to point B. All I know is that I feel like a child with a new pair of Mickey Mouse ears as I wait to see His plan. And as I wait, as I write about this season of waiting, documenting my journey, I hope that one day it can serve as someone else’s map. I hope it can inspire others to look for their point B with the enthusiasm of a little child, and dare to pursue their dreams.

XO,

Jen

In the Stillness

Hi everyone,

Just my thoughts as I began my day... 

In the stillness before the dawn, the world sounds like a symphony. The crickets are the strings. Far off the rooster cries, like a horn, to add drama to the piece. The slow, steady conversation between the frogs in the freshly filled creek makes you wish you could understand what they were saying. Stars dot the sky, like white lights on a Christmas tree in a home filled with stillness before Christmas morning awakes. In the distance there is a hum on the highway as tires take people to their early morning jobs. Jobs that must be essential these days. I stop and pray for their journey. Pray for their day. Pray for their families. Because life can change so much in a day, in an hour, in a minute... 

Even my coffee tastes better this morning. As I switch on my string of Edison lights I couldn’t help but smile. It’s not that my coffee is different, maybe the light bulb has just come on in my own life, enlightening my senses even more to life around me. Maybe sheltering at home has allowed me to get some much needed rest, even in the midst of working. Maybe being alone with my thoughts in the quiet of my prayers, has allowed Him to whisper truth into my ears that I can feel in my soul.

To truly lean into the words that swirl around my creative brain, maybe I needed the stillness of this moment in time to bring them to light on the canvas of my computer screen. As I help my character find her way through life, maybe I too am finding my way. Maybe it’s okay to be a late bloomer after all, because in blooming late we have had time for life to fertilize our little parts of the world around us and feed into our souls....so when the light bulb turns on, and the world can see the bouquet of beauty we have become, then the beauty of God will also shine through, allowing the song of our testimony to be the symphony in someone else’s life...in the stillness of an early morning.

XO,

Jen

I Don’t Want to Be Left in the Hallway

Hi everyone!

I first started writing this piece on Monday, March 16^th – the day that our “New Normal” began. Never in my life had I been so happy to have a Monday show up!! We started teaching online that day to finish out the semester, and though I would miss interacting with my students and colleagues, I so welcomed this time. But life got busy, so my thoughts never made it to my site, or maybe this level of vulnerability was a much bigger step for me, so I wanted to pray about it a bit longer.

 

This morning I broke out another new coffee cup. I chose this one not only for the beautiful verse, but also because the words speak to all that is within me. 

Psalm 139:14 says, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” 

Notice the present tense. It doesn’t tell us we will be fearfully and wonderfully made when we reach our ideal weight. It tells us, it tells me, right now, at this very moment, I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I think it is a beautiful reminder that we need to be gentle with ourselves. I need to be gentle with myself.

The title of this piece has been weighing on my mind for several weeks, especially when we started seeing reports from Italy. When COVID-19 started having such a tremendous impact on New Orleans, which is literally just 3 ½ hours away for me, the reality of it all made me feel like I was standing at the end of a tunnel, watching a train barreling toward me, with its headlight blinding me. I know I’m not the only one in this position, so I thought I would send these thoughts out into the world. If I can help just one person, then it is worth putting myself in this vulnerable position.

The terrifying reality is that I am in my mid-50s. I have diabetes. I use a C-PAP. I am considered morbidly obese. If I get COVID-19, I would be one of the ones they leave in the hallway to save a vent for someone else. Someone who does not have the health issues that I have. For me this wakeup call could be equated to having ice water, a bucket of ice water, thrown at my face. 

How did I get here? Why did I let myself get here?

 

BUT. BUT. I am a “glass is half full” kind of lady. I have been calling this time my “New Normal”, and it is time that I lean into my fear and face it head on. Ironically, just 3 weeks before life turned upside down I joined Noom. I decided to try this system because of the psychology that they put within each step of the process. I am sure the creators of this program never entertained the idea that its members would have to face the stress and psychological toll of a pandemic. Isn’t it amazing how the creators of Noom may have never envisioned a time like this, but our creator saw it all along??!!

Over the years, as I leaned into my research and writing, I have discovered the why behind a lot of things in my life.

Why I made some of the relationship choices that I did.

Why I put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own.

Why I use food to deal with the stresses of life.

Why and how I got to the place that I am today.

Here I am, in the middle of a pandemic, and the thought that is a steady undercurrent in my mind,

“I don’t want to be left in the hallway”. I cannot magically correct my health concerns over night, but I don’t have to wait until this storm passes to begin working on changing my health. I don’t want my fears to become and undertow as I use this time to take my life into uncharted waters. The world may not know the girl that use to exist underneath the physical and emotional weight that I carry, but I know that she is still there. 

What is even more important is that my God knows she is still there. I feel like a caterpillar who is in her cocoon, but she knows it is time to start making her way out into the world. I have always felt that the right person would love me for me, despite the size of the clothes I wore. I still believe that person exists out there somewhere, but I now know that I don’t need to use weight and clutter to shield me from the rest of the world.

I now know that I have valuable life lessons that I need to share through my words to the rest of the world.  

I now know that red flags are great as party decorations, but should never be part of a relationship.

I now know that I don’t want to be left in the hallway because I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” and He has a lot of work for me to do.

As I keep sailing along on my journey, I will keep you posted on my progress!

Sending you a virtual hug…

Jen

Trying to Be Still

Hi everyone,

Several months ago I bought this beautiful coffee cup. It set in my home office, still adorning its price tag, until yesterday. I was drawn to this cup, not because of the words that were on it, but because the words were engraved within the very clay that was used for its construction. 

This morning I decided to wash it and use it again, and in the process of this simple act, I was reminded of how we must continually cleanse our hearts and minds each morning so we can truly prepare to "be still". It isn't just the stillness, it is also that fact that we must "know", that HE is God. 

In this stressful time in which we are living, to "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) becomes more than words that are etched within the crevices of my coffee cup. These are HIS words, etched within the depths of my soul. They are a reminder that no matter what happens in our lives - the good, the bad, and the ugly - HE is here to carry us if need be through it all. He is here to send us God winks and comfort. HE is here to bless us with incredible teachers and mentors, even in the midst of a pandemic. 

As I looked around at the different items in my little home that remind me to "be still", I note the different mediums that are used, from metal wall art, to a white trinket tray, to a heart. Gentle reminders that HE is with me each and every second of every day, in different forms and fashions. To see HIM, I must slow down, and at times be still.

I couldn't help but smile as I came across each of these different objects because I am not one to normally sit still or sit home. Life has shown me on numerous occasions what an incredible sense of humor HE has, so it is very easy for me, as I sip my morning coffee, to imagine HIM saying, "Be still...Just chill...I've got this"!!!

He wants us to not just sit still, but rest in knowing that HE truly has us in the palm of HIS hands. Sometimes we just have to wash off the anxiety and stress, like a new favorite coffee cup, and gently remind ourselves. I'm am trying to be still in the midst of our "new normal", and listen for HIS voice in the midst of it all. All of us have found this to be stressful at times. With the care that must be taken to protect my precious granddaughter, kids working on the front lines, and my own health concerns, this is particularly true. But. But. In the midst of it all, we are also discovering within the stillness several things. Comfort. Creativity. Peace. Pride. Understanding. And so many other beautiful lessons that will forever change us, but in a deeply moving way. 

Sending you a virtual hug on this Good Friday!!

Jen

Bee Sweet Like Honey

Hi everyone,

I took some time this afternoon to explore and reflect on what is happening in the world around us. I couldn't help but look at the beautiful wild iris in the middle of my woods, and admire their beauty.

We've had so much rain this year. At times we didn't see sunshine for days. Though we grew tired of it, to look at my surroundings now, I realized it was exactly what was needed to yield these beautiful native flowers all along my little creek. A reminder that what we all looked at as an inconvenience and a nuisance a couple of months ago has ended up coloring the landscape with such beauty. We don't quite know yet what will come of this time that we are in, but we have to hold on to the hope that beautiful things will bloom when this time passes.

Even the thistle, though it has thorns, still brings a rustic beauty to the landscape. For me, it was nature's way of underscoring the fact that even when life brings thorns into our lives, if we give it time, life can bloom in the middle of it all. What can you see blooming in your own life at this time?

The highlight of my afternoon excursion had to be seeing the bee in the  blackberry blossoms. I started working on a new website last fall, that I will be launching this spring called "the Jubilee Bee". I love bees because they remind me of my own life. Like the bee, that should not be able to fly, I have survived trials and tribulations that I should not have. Not a day goes by that I do not acknowledge how very blessed that I am. I have purchased some bee stock images as I have gone through this new creative process, but seeing the perfect shot, and being able to capture it brought me so much joy.

I think it is important for us to remember in this time of uncertainty that some things in life may have thorns or may sting, but in the middle of it all, we can find beauty. We can bloom. Yes, a lot of things may rain down us before we bloom, but all storms pass. Life always comes back to the surface. Beauty can always be found from ashes.

As a gently reminder as I close this evening, and words that my Mimi use to tell us, "You get more bees with honey than you do vinegar." So when others start getting on your nerves, which is common in times like these, think of this last photo, and try your best to bee sweet like honey!

Sending you a long distance hug,

Jen

A Mother Prays

Hi everyone,

Tonight I write with a some what heavy heart. Like so many others I have children in the health care profession. My daughter is a nurse. My son-in-law is a fireman. They have my miracle granddaughter who was born with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. My oldest son is a nursing student and nurse ex-tern at one of the local hospitals. 

Tomorrow they go to work, soldiers in a war against an enemy that we cannot see. As a mom, and a Christian I have to practice what I preach. Walk the walk, not just talk the talk. 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

I have to hold on to my mustard seed once again, like I did when our precious Lily Claire came into this world. In terms of my own health concerns, I am trusting that God is not done with me yet. He has work for me still to do for Him on this side of heaven. Just like I did when we were waiting on Lily Claire's arrival I am leaning into God's Word. 

I am keeping abreast of the COVID-19 numbers, but I am staying away from television and social media as much as possible. The hardest challenge that I face is reminding myself that my children are gifts to me from God that I am blessed to have for as long as He sees fit. My youngest son is going to be an officer in the Army. My worry for him is only just beginning. BUT, BUT, I have always told my all three of my children that they are to go where they feel God is calling them...because they are His first.  

I know there are countless mothers throughout the world tonight that are also trying to settle their souls when the worry starts to creep in. I am trying to "be still, and know" that He is God (Psalm 46:10), and He has a plan for everything that we experience in this life.

So in the days ahead, please know that you are all in my prayers. 

Please know that I am praying for each and everyone of our precious babies. 

We may not know what tomorrow brings, but we know who is watching over us. And with that thought I can go to sleep placing my life and my the lives of my children and grandchildren in His hands.

I'll write again soon.

Sending you a virtual hug, 

Jen

While We Wait

Hi everyone,

I have been so busy, going in so many directions for so long, I haven’t updated my site on a regular basis. I think a good many of us are finding ourselves coming to that realization these days. It’s funny how we may have a list of things we want to do that is a mile long, but when life comes to a screeching halt, it takes us a bit to process it all and move forward in the new direction that is laid out before us. 

Waiting is never easy, is it? From the time we are kids this starts, but in our world where we have gotten so accustomed to life happening so instantaneously, having to wait can be challenging. This morning I reflected on a point in my life that feels like it was a lifetime ago.

In 1988 I moved to Germany. At that time we had no cell phones, and we could only call home once a week for about 30 minutes, because it was so expensive. Gas was rationed, because it was so expensive. We could only watch movies we bought, because the signal for the only American television station did not reach out village. We didn’t have PCs back then, so we wrote letters…we waited for letters…we waited for care packages that could often take weeks to arrive. I learned to sew then. I read a lot then. I made friends, and to this day we share an incredible bond. We were practicing social distancing before we even knew that would one day be a “thing”. So in this new time I find that drawing on my old experiences helps. Back then it would take me a few days to get my bearings during a deployment, and I find that the same is true today. I am a creative who loves alone time, so I know that I will have a routine down soon.

I am blessed that I can work from home. I am blessed that I have incredible family and friends. We practice social distancing to protect each other, and most importantly my precious miracle grand baby. While we wait I am writing, and working to finish developing my new website. While we wait I am working on some life goals that have been on my “to do list” for the last 10 years. While we wait I am doing everything I can to improve and protect my own health, because I know there is a lot of work that God still wants me to do while I am on this side of heaven.

So while we wait, what are you doing with your time?

I would love to hear from you!! 

Sending you a hug ~ Jen